Running to Him

Rachel is a child of God, blessed wife and stay-at-home mom to three, the oldest of whom has a variety of needs surrounding her visual impairment (resulting from her severe prematurity), ASD, and mild intellectual disability.  She blogs at This Journey Our Life, to share her personal journey of special needs parenting, encouraging others who find themselves on a similar path.

Desperate for help, I felt the urge to run.

Somewhere.

Anywhere.

The walls of my world were caving in around me. Helplessly, I looked on at my daughter who needed to be rescued.

“Will somebody please help me?” I tried to cry out. Instead, my throat choked on its scream.

It was like those nightmares where you want to run but your legs won’t move; where you need to scream, but you can’t.

Silently I stood back.

Waiting.

Watching.

My daughter was slipping away, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

She needed help.

But it’s hard to help when you don’t know how.

I scanned the crowd, searching for someone who would stop to offer their assistance.

If someone shows me what I need to do, I’ll do it! I thought.  Anything to save her.

Why isn’t anyone stopping?  Why doesn’t anyone care?

Weary from searching, I wanted to give up.

These were my feelings throughout a large part of the past school year. Overall, Cami’s struggles had grown more complex, and every solution appeared impossible. Help seemed out of reach.

I was frustrated and fighting despair.

But a phone call changed my perspective and brightened the pathway I had been trudging along.

Immediately following a difficult conversation with one of Cami’s teachers, I called my mom.  In between heaving sobs I updated her on the situation, sharing the most recent struggle.

Answers were uncertain, but I knew my daughter needed help.

I needed help.

I told my mom, “I wish it was as easy as running outside to a crowd of people and screaming at the top of my lungs:

SOMEBODY PLEASE HELP ME, SHOW ME WHAT TO DO!” 

Her response hit me hard:

“Rachel, it is.” 

The truth of her statement sent chills down my spine, and my throat tightened as more tears spilled down my flushed cheeks.

There is someone Who is waiting to help. Someone Who will show me what to do.

That night I ran to Him.

And still I run.

{Proverbs 18:10}

The name of the Lord is a fortified tower;
the righteous run to it and are safe.

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Proverbs 31:25

Today’s post comes from sweet Kaylee Page.  Kaylee (and husband, Dan) have one daughter, Miss Bella, who lives in a world of FPIES,EoEDelay in Gastric Emptying.  Kaylee works full-time at Start Garden and fine-tunes plans to take over the world while driving to doctors’ appointments.

‎Strength and dignity are her clothing,

And she smiles at the future.

Proverbs 31:25

The version I read years ago said “laughs at the days ahead.” How odd, I thought. How can you laugh at what you don’t know. It took me a while to realize that this woman, this Proverbs 31 woman, had a deep trust and understanding that God was and is in control. She can do this little internal, perhaps sometimes audible laugh.But not always the type of laughter we think of laughing at a quick joke. No, it’s a laughter that’s like a “Ha, only you, God. Only you could make this story beautiful, funny, unbearable, full of suffering and sorrow, but amazing, and honest and good, and weird, and humorous and comical and full of miracles. Create moments that take my breathe away. Only you know what would set me off today. Only you know what my heart needed today. Only you could design a life to make me more like you. Somehow, only YOU could write this journey.”  It’s the laughter Sarah had when she found out about Isaac. It’s gratitude. It’s the relief. It’s the fact that she’ll be a grandmother’s age at story time with all the other young, hipster moms. Or I can imagine Mary, the mother of Jesus, had a similar laugh when the Angel Gabriel told her about having the son of God – knowing, the honor and yet the difficulties this would all bring.

So today, ladies, you are clothed with strength and dignity. You are amazing! You are worth far more than rubies. Lord truly knows, you’ve gotten up while it is still night and provided for your families. You set about your work vigorously; your arms are strong for your tasks. You are a virtuous woman indeed! And God delights in you.

He is proud.

May you have moments that make your heart light today. May that light-heartedness come from a deep, intimate trust and understanding that God is in control. The days to come are, each one of them, going to be okay. They may be better than okay or they may be quite difficult. Whatever steps they may be, they are the beautiful steps he’s laid out for you. Tough as they may be, smile. Not a fake, plaster smile. The smile that totally gets heartache, pain and disappointment. It’s the smile that creeps up for some reason in the middle of the sobbing. It’s the smile that creeps up when you watch your child grow and accomplish something new and exciting. It’s the smile that’s the deepest breath you can imagine. It’s a smile that calms your heart, soothes your soul and gives you the unimaginable peace your heart desires, even if but for a moment.

Praying for your hearts today. Praying for the smile to creep up on you. But also praying that if your heart is just in no way close to being able to smile, that God would rest deep within you, settle His way in. That if the smile is impossible, that at least there is a moment of rest. The rest maybe needed to get you a tad bit closer to that smile.

The Way We Roll

Today’s post is from dear, sweet Missy.  You can find Missy writing anonymously about the mishaps of daily life with an Engineer, a child with an Autistic Spectrum Disorder, and a preschooler who’s convinced she’s 14.  She is a Southern transplant living the dream in the New England area.  The mishaps are a’plenty.

We felt like we were rolling along pretty well; my husband and I.  I had just delivered our first child, a boy, and we were euphoric.  That first year and a half rolled along beautifully.  And then, things changed.  We hit some bumps in the road and began to pursue a medical diagnosis for our son’s delays and behaviors.
“Your son has a form of Autism called Pervasive Developmental Disorder – NOS, with a Global Developmental Delay.”  They were, by turns, words we were expecting and words we were taken by surprise to hear.  Parenting is a journey.  With the pronouncement of these words, we now saw, at the very least, that our journey would include some mountainous terrain.
Since the time of our firstborn’s diagnosis at age two, we’ve been struggling to make it work as the parents of a child with an Autism Spectrum Disorder.  As with all things in the life of a Christ Follower, we were and are totally dependent upon our God to see us over every bump, hill and mountain. And He does not disappoint.  Looking back over the last 7 years, since that initial diagnosis, we can see where God has gently nudged us this way, and that; times when He allowed our momentum to flat out fail so that we would be dependent upon Him to get us going again; and people that He has provided sweet friendships with, to soothe the feelings of isolation.
We were recently acknowledging how very grateful we are to be this child’s parents.  God has enabled us to provide for his (and now his little sister’s) needs, emotional and otherwise. I’m able to forgo my teaching career to stay at home right now.  We are able to provide stability for this child that craves routine and structure.  God provided both a “feeler” and a “thinker” in this parenting team. Our daily prayer is that He doesn’t let us get rolling too far down either one of these paths; and that between the two of us, we’re providing a pretty good team regarding our parenting of this special child that God has given to us.
Does that mean that we get it right all of the time? Definitely not!  In fact, our parenting journey has been downright comical, as we are two very messed-up individuals (see earlier admission about having one thinker and one feeler!) trying desperately to get it half-right as often as possible.  Our reliance, though, is not upon ourselves. It is upon The One from whom all wisdom and grace flow. That’s Who keeps us rolling along. When we think we can’t possibly go one more round of the “how in the world do we get through this stage?” parenting game, He’s right there.  We can sometimes literally feel Him pushing us forward, prompting us to simply love this kid; and to keep moving forward one moment at a time.  In faith? Yes. But also, in the assurance that He’s got our back.  And that He’s gone before us.  He’s got this.  He’s got us.
The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.  
Deuteronomy 31:8 (NIV)
And when we get stuck in a rut during a particularly difficult parenting moment, we have to remind ourselves to rely on God to get us through. It may not be the smoothest ride, but as long as we’re relying on His strength, we’ll keep on moving forward.  And that’s the way we roll.